


Stay with me, okay? (come on, stay with me.)

by WritingEverything



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: 3x19, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Angst, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Demon Deals, Desperation, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Lies, M/M, Magic, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Miscommunication, Post-Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Selfless, Spoilers, screw asmodeus, the only thing that's keeping me going is the malec wedding honestly, they both deserve nice things guys, this episode got me so upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-16 05:55:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18515275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingEverything/pseuds/WritingEverything
Summary: He presses a light, yet sweet kiss on Alec's lips, who (sadly) doesn't return the gesture. Desperately, he kisses Alec again, this time trying to transfer all the love, affection, and passion through it."Stay with me, okay?" he says when he pulls back, voice barely above a whisper. He keeps his eyes shut, as if doing so will make this whole ordeal go away. Like if he opens them, he'll see the truth written across the younger man's face."Come on," he murmurs, words quivering, and somehow he's even quieter. "Stay with me."





	Stay with me, okay? (come on, stay with me.)

**Author's Note:**

> “You endure what is unbearable, and you bear it. That is all.”
> 
>  
> 
> In other words Magnus finds out what Alec can’t bear.

"And to be honest, I need a break," Alec finishes. 

"That's a wonderful idea." Magnus barely has to think about it before he answers. "Ah—well, where do you wanna go? Hawaii, Jamaica—" For a second, his hand twitched, as if ready to create a portal, but then he remembers his . . . predicament. "I've never been on a plane before, but let's avoid coach, 'cause—“

"No, Magnus," Alec interrupted him. The younger man opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to decide what to say (something Magnus finds _incredibly_ adorable), before settling on, "I need a break on us."

It suddenly isn’t adorable anymore. Magnus isn't sure if it's just him, but it sounded like Alec put a lot of emphasis on  _us_.

The other man's words leave him stunned speechless for a moment, and slightly unnerved. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to hear, but it definitely wasn't whatever he just heard. He looks into those deep, blue eyes, trying to search for something, anything, that said this was all just some joke. When he doesn't find what he's looking for, he turns and looks away.

 _What did he do?_ Because to Magnus, this came out of nowhere. They were happy,  _Alec_ was happy (he was a mundane now, they could live out their lives together, isn’t that what the shadowhunter wanted?). They were fine.

Oh Lilith, was it because of last night, perhaps? When he came back, completely drunk, and ruined the beautiful dinner the shadowhunter spent so much effort setting up? Or when he spoke without his usual filter, and burdened the younger man with issues that weren't his (or mattered, for that case).

"Is this about last night?" he voices out his thoughts, and quickly spins back to face the other man. "Because I'm going to quit drinking." He doesn't mention the other part.

But Alec shakes his head and mentions it for him. "This isn't about your drinking," he says, locking eyes with Magnus, who hates the stern, ridged way he's looking at him right now. "It's about what you said—that without your magic, you could never be happy."

Magnus shouldn't be surprised that's what caused all of this. He's the first to look away, eyes darting down to the floor.

"Look, I was being dramatic," he says, almost scoffing, desperately trying to come up with something that will change Alec’s mind.

"No, you were being honestly," the younger man simply states. "I know the difference."

 ". . ." He doesn't have any arguments against those words, so he lets him have this one. "Fine. I'm in pain." Alec's eyes widen the smallest bit and he looks away at that, as if hearing those words somehow hurt  _him_. "But your solution to break up," he continues, "h-how is that gonna fix anything?"

Because according to Comfort 101, you don’t _leave someone_ to help them feel better.

The other man opens and closes his mouth again, trying to find the right words. "There is no fixing this," he eventually says, and stares Magnus straight in the eye as he does.

And  _that_ 's when he realizes that this isn't going to end well.

"You said there's nothing I can do to make it better."

"It's not your job to make it better!"

"Then what am I suppose to do?" He grows softer. "Just . . . stand by and watch you  _suffer_ for the rest of our lives-?"

"Okay, okay," Magnus cuts him off. It almost sounds like the Nephilim is giving up, and that is _not_ the Alexander Lightwood he knows. "This—this isn't you. You're not this selfish." His eyes light up with an argument. "Days ago you told me that you couldn't bear to lose me," he points out.

Alec’s tone goes cold. “Days ago, I didn't know the spark inside of you, the one I fell in love with . . . it was out for good."

A sudden heaviness, accompanied by an overwhelming sense of dread, settles around him, and the air is ripped out of his lungs. A small, minuscule part inside of him is screaming  _I told you so, he only wanted you around because you were useful to him. You're useless to him now._

And the other part is screaming  _this can't end now, I have never wanted to live so much as I have these past few months, ever since I met you. Don't do this to me now, I need you._

Alec doesn’t wait for a response. He regards Magnus for barely a second, then moves towards the front door. The heaviness suddenly dissipates and the air comes rushing back in.

"No, no, no, no, please,” he chants like a mantra and turns to follow the other man. He’s so quiet you’d have to lean in close to hear.

Alec stops walking and turns to face him, so he takes the chance and reaches out to rest his hands on his arms (the younger man doesn’t pull away, thankfully).

”I’ve lost everything. I’ve—I’ve lost my _home_ , my _job_ , m-my _powers_ . . .” His hands slide up until they’re on either side of Alec’s face, gently cradling him.

He slowly leans in, closer and closer, moulding his body against Alec’s. He has to stand on his tiptoes just to reach his lips (at any other moment, they’d both find this amusing).

“I can’t lose you too, okay?” his voice breaks off at the end. Alec isn’t looking at him.

He presses a light, yet sweet kiss on Alec's lips. Maybe . . . maybe Alec will kiss him back, they’ll talk and make up, and resolve this entire mess. But the shadowhunter doesn't return the gesture. Desperately, he kisses him again, this time trying to transfer all his love, affection, passion—his everything, through it.

"Stay with me, okay?” he says when he pulls back, voice barely above a whisper. He keeps his eyes shut, as if doing so will make this whole ordeal go away. Like if he opens them, he'll see the truth written across the younger man's face.

"Come on," he murmurs, words quivering, and somehow he's even quieter. "Stay with me."

“ _Magnus_.” It doesn’t sound any different from how Alec usually says his name, but this time it _feels_ different, and that's what causes his already-shaking hands to draw back from the other man’s face. “I can’t,” he finishes, now quiet as well, and refuses to look him in the eyes.

Magnus’ hands slowly fall back down to his sides.

He's pictured having Alec with him for fifty, maybe even sixty more years before the shadowhunter was finally subjected to death. Even after he had lost his magic, became a mundane . . . he still saw the both of them staying with each other for a long time. He thought that by then, he would be able to let the other man go. That the pain would eventually numb, just like it had with all his previous lovers.

But it's _Alexander_. And now, more than ever, he's not ready to lose him. Not at all.

“I’m sorry.”

Magnus doesn’t move for a long time after that, even after Alec leaves, even after blue flames flicker across the tips of his fingers.

**Author's Note:**

> i want to punch Asmodeus. no really someone hold me back.
> 
> God, 3x18 really got me good. Malec breakup, Clary and Jonathan, then the almost kiss from Izzy and Simon . . . the whole episode was a damn roller coaster. and i hate roller coaster.
> 
> when I watched the breakup scene, guys I almost cried. the only thing keeping me going for malec is the wedding.
> 
> (but, I feel like Magnus would’ve known something was up and then dug deeper)
> 
> izzy and simon also need to kiss already like seriously.
> 
> sorry this is suppose to be a sad drabble and im just ranting over here.
> 
> hope you enjoyed.


End file.
